Body Changes in Pregnancy & How to Love It

I know, I know. You were promised a “glow”. Instead you can barely roll over in bed, coffee makes you nauseated, it’s been days since you pooped, and what is going on with your skin?!

This blog isn’t going to minimize the fact that some aspects of pregnancy are really really hard. Hopefully some of the suggestions will give you a deep breath and a reminder that the hard time won’t last forever.

1. The first and most obvious change is you are growing another human! Whoa! That’s almost mind boggling. Another person (or persons) are taking up residence inside your body. Of course there will be some uncomfortable changes! Yet you are entrusted with this life giving task. Your body was made for it. It’s up to the challenge. You have a mission to grow this other being.
2. Feel all that stretching? Stretching of the skin, stretching of your breasts, stretching of maybe some inner organs you never thought about before? You are expansive, and in a monumentally good way. You can use this time to think about and practice these stretching sensations as how you will stretch as a mother. Your body, mind, and heart are stretching in ways they didn’t before you were pregnant and the pay off is oh so sweet.
3. Speaking of your mind and heart, this is a great time to really get deeply in touch with what your body needs. Many jokes are made about cravings but go deeply into what your body is telling you. Are you bone weary today? Your body is telling you to carve out some rest. Are you having trouble settling down to sleep? Is your body telling you to meditate before bed? Cut back on caffeine? Are you feeling anxious? Do you need to reach out to your partner for some cuddles or more help around the house? Begin tuning in to what your body is telling you and make adjustments accordingly.
4. Constantly peeing. Like.. constantly. Being hungry but only being able to eat a tiny bit. Pregnant bodies do that because the bladder has pressure on it but because your kidney volume can increase by 60%. Your colon is also compressed and your GI system is retaining more water and the whole system is slowed down. That’s the bad news of it but the good news is it’s supposed to work that way. These processes allow for room for your growing baby and uterus, as well as prepare for increased blood volume and retaining nutrients, etc. This allows us to trust that our bodies are doing what they are supposed to be doing. Trust that your body is housing and growing your baby.
5. While we are talking about nutrients, take this time to nourish yourself! You’ll need some extra calories each day when pregnant — make those delicious, healthy, and nutritious calories! Eat a rainbow of colors, plate your food in an appealing manner, pour yourself a non alcoholic mocktail. You are nourishing and nurturing yourself and your baby, enjoy it! Banish society’s obsession with thin from your mind. Your mission right now is to house, nourish, and nurture yourself and your baby and it can be glamorous, beautiful, creative, anything you want it to be.
6. Pamper yourself if and when possible. Get a pedicure, get a prenatal massage. Buy some whipped lotion and have your partner rub your feet at night. Have a girlfriend style your hair.  Use a facial scrub. Wear silky robes or sarongs if you love them. Really the options are endless.
7. Remember to exercise! It is great for you, your body, your mind. Always check with your doctor first but walking is almost always a safe outlet for pregnancy as well as water aerobics. Sometimes feeling how strong and capable our bodies are can make us appreciate and love it more.
8. Intimacy can be tricky. Sometimes during pregnancy your hormones can make you feel more intimate and sometimes it can make intimacy seem far far away. Talk to your partner about it. Maybe cuddling and massages with each other will fill the space for now. Either way, having an honest conversation and reassuring each other of your love and affection will help your relationship. Your body is going through a lot of changes after all. The changes will be temporary but you want your relationship to last.
9. As a doula I think pregnant bodies are gorgeous but I do remember having fleeting moments when I myself was pregnant. Worrying if I would lose all the weight or if I was still attractive. It seems so superficial now and yet those are very real concerns for most of us! Try this mantra: My body’s purpose is twofold now – to care for my own health and well-being and to grow and nurture my baby. 

All Rights Reserved, 2019
Kimberly Sebeck, Knoxville Doula

Julie’s Hypnobabies Experience (Birth Story)

 

This summer I’ve had the occasion to have a nursing student, Kait, getting some service hours with me. She has helped me stuff goody bags, re-typed my Comfort Measures Class handout, and helped update important local lactation consultants lists and childbirth class offerings. One thing we also did was interview one of my previous Hypnobabies doula clients. Even though I was present at the birth, it was fascinating to hear Julie retell her story. I am paraphrasing many of her words as I didn’t tape record her but certain images are burned into my memory from her description.

Julie’s story:

Julie had previously taken Bradley method of childbirth education with her previous pregnancy. She was very committed to going naturally and unmedicated but when she was induced for postdates and the labor went very long she opted for an epidural.  The pushing phase had lasted for over 4 hours. She did not have a doula with her first baby. The second time around she hired me and she chose to do Hypnobabies.

She said Hypnobabies really appealed to her and the more she progressed into it she realized the vast difference between it and Bradley. She said she found her birth plan from the first pregnancy and noticed how it came from a place of almost fear and things she didn’t want. She didn’t want to be induced. She didn’t want to have pitocin. She didn’t want an epidural. Yet, it didn’t address any of the things she did want. With Hypnobabies she was learning to manifest what she did want. She felt confident with her practice of Hypnobabies and my support as her doula that this birth would be different.

Fast forward to the very end of pregnancy and the mention of induction came up again as she was beyond her estimated due date. I do remember this well. She had an appointment with her provider and they discussed some options and what would happen if she hadn’t gone into labor within a certain time frame. She called me crying. I suggested she meet me at my office immediately.  She came over and I rubbed her feet and pressure points and we talked. I suggested she employ her practice and training of Hypnobabies and really believe and envision she would go into labor on her own. She began having pressure waves (contractions) in my office. We didn’t know if they would continue but it was a lovely and positive sign and she left leaving much more relaxed and at peace.

The pressure waves did continue, gently. She told us that she went home and made it like a cave. She told her husband to stay out, had her mother pick up her child and envisioned herself like a mama bear in her cave, warm and comfortable. This went on for some time until she called to let me know she would like for me to come over. It has been a couple of years so I don’t recall the exact time she called me but when I got there she was in the tub/shower, sitting on a birth ball, looking very peaceful. Waves were coming strong and regularly. I timed some to assess where we were at and we were shortly on our way to the hospital. She said she had absolutely no pain. As we were leaving she vomited in the driveway — another good and normal sign.

I followed them to the hospital in my car and called the student doula who was shadowing me to join us. Julie had been very gracious to allow Emily, a newer doula, to come to the birth not only to learn but also to assist Julie’s husband, who was new to the Hypnobabies idea of birth. As we pulled in to the hospital parking area, Julie was sick to her stomach again, another good sign things were progressing. I was able to park quickly and help Julie out of her car while Emily helped Julie’s husband park the car and get their things.

Once in the room, Julie was admitted and we all answered as many questions for the staff as we could so she could stay in her Hypnobabies hypnoanesthesia. We turned the lights off, kept the door shut.  The tub was filled, she remained comfortable.  Emily and her husband chatted and we all took turns getting her ice and bringing cool cloths. I kneeled by the tub and sponged her off.  Eventually it was suggested by the midwife for her to get out and go to the bathroom. This was not something she was very excited about, she related to us as she related the story.  After using the restroom she got into the bed. What I remember at this point was how dark and quiet and calm the room was. Her waves were coming very strong and beautifully at this point. The midwife had not seen many Hypnobabies births at this point and her eyes widened at seeing the strong contractions on the monitor and yet Julie remaining completely calm and at ease with them. Julie tells us that at this point in her birthing time, “ I still had no pain. I felt blue mountains erupting from my abdomen. It was so spiritual and magical.”

Soon after it became time to push and because of her extended pushing experience before, I suggested turning and leaning over the head of the bed to be in a semi hands and knees position but supported so she could remain in hypno-anesthesia. Julie says, “I turned into a mountain lion. A fierce and powerful mountain lion.” Julie pushed her second daughter out in around thirty minutes.

She uses words such as “magical” “awesome” “spiritual” “empowering” . She says the combination of having a doula and using Hypnobabies was “pure magic”. It “makes her want to have 12 more Hypnobabies just to experience it again– but I won’t”. Julie tears up, and so do we. She says she manifested this birth and we believe her.

Julie wants women to know that using Hypnobabies and a doula is a magical combination. I also agree with her that many childbirth education discusses things women do not want versus what they do want. It is possible to change the language and fear surrounding birth! Kait, the nursing student plans to use Hypnobabies in the future when she herself begins a family.

Thank you for sharing your story, Julie!

All Rights Reserved, Kimberly Sebeck, HCHD, CCCE, 2018 Knoxville Doula

Repeat Clients — Or Not?

Oh, doulas love repeat clients! There is just something so rewarding about working with a family for a second or third time — or even more! Often a doula is the first one to know that another pregnancy has happened. We get a text with a positive pregnancy test photo attached or a question of, “Hey are you available for a (fill in the blank) due date?”.

But sometimes, especially with flourishing social media, we find out a family hasn’t rehired us. It has absolutely happened to me. And I am writing this not only for people interested in doulas/have used doulas but also newer doulas. What is the etiquette regarding this?

First, I’d like to acknowledge there are very real reasons to not be rehired! Just off the top of my head:

• Funds may be an issue, especially as a family grows
• Perhaps the client went natural last time and is choosing not to this time and feels a doula isn’t necessary
• Maybe they learned so many techniques in their other birth(s) they feel they can handle this on their own (I believe in them!)
• Maybe they have become close to another doula and want to try her out (yes, I 100% support that!)
• Possibly they had a traumatic birth experience and having the same birth professionals feels like a trigger (yes, a traumatic birth can happen even with a doula present)
• It could be they hired a midwifery team that provides extra support like birth assistants or even doulas
• A new medical condition has changed their perspective of birth (same for pregnancy loss(es)
• They may be trying a different type of pain management like hypnobirthing or hypnobabies and planning to use medical grade hypnosis
• Another local doula has skills they feel more drawn to or simply feels more connected to them
• Or… It is none of your business

Yes, I have had some of those scenarios play out for not getting rehired and I am here to say it is totally fine! It doesn’t hurt my feelings one bit. While I hope if it’s over funds that I could connect them with a lower fee or sliding scale doula, I also understand a budget is sometimes set in stone and cannot be stretched. Additionally it can be awkward for some people to say they are low on funds for something. It can be awkward if you run into your doula and feel you have to explain why you aren’t/can’t/don’t want to rehire her.

Please let me reassure you that there is no reason to feel awkward. While I would love to support your family again I also trust you know what you need. I still want to hear how your pregnancy is going. I still want to hear how your birth went, watch your birth video or see your photos. I still want to be your friend on social media if that is your comfort level. Any good doula will feel this way. It’s not about us, it’s about you. If you feel like sharing the reason, feel free, and if not, that’s ok, too.  Doulas empower women and families. You do you and we will cheer you on.

All Rights Reserved, 2018
Kimberly Sebeck, Knoxville Doula